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the F.J. Chronicles - F.J. Gouldner---June Edition - Volume 2 - Issue 12

Remember the sketch comedy show In Living Color? Damn, the talent pool was deep. Not only did you have all of the Wayans Bros (and even their little sis), but there was also Jamie Foxx, Jim Carrey, and some hot Latino chick with an oversized booty who could move! Man, J-Lo was just a lowly fly-girl back then but she stole the show at times. Tearing it up with her frenetically beautiful dancing.

Remember the band Living Colour? You should. Same era, almost the same name. African Americans breaking new ground in already Caucasian charted territory. Cory Glover, Vernon Reid, Muzz Skillings (later to be replaced by Doug Wimbish), and Will Calhoun blazing their own path through the land of hard rock. Or perhaps just reclaiming the blues based madness their forefathers created.

You know what I think I’ll do today. Find some old clips of Jim Carrey doing Fire Marshall Bill on YouTube and have a really good laugh! Break out the album VIVID, listen to the songs ‘Cult of Personality’ and ‘Open Letter to a Landlord’ at eardrum shattering volume, shoehorn my fat ass into my old Body Glove and reminisce how my old metal band Silent Knight (yes with a K!) could have made it big if the other knuckleheads in the band would have only listened to me.

Yeah, that’s exactly how I’ll spend the day. I’ll add a little dab of much needed color. I bet that Body Glove image is stuck in your heads! Ha, ha, ha, ha.

But I’m not kidding people I’m really gonna do it. The only thing is my audience has changed a bit. I won’t be belting it out in a club full of screaming metalheads. I’ll be doing it in my living room with my 9 year old son jumping up and down, my 11 year old daughter playing a mean pillow, and my wife and 14 year old daughter shaking their heads and laughing hysterically. Even my supercool 17 year old son who sings in his own hardcore band might be there to witness this. And I know he’ll probably laugh like hell too. But he wasn’t there in the 80’s baby. When the chicks dug it and we were on our way.

So what. Who cares? These kids don’t know diddly squat about origins. I bet they only go as far back as Liar, Liar. Or maybe Ace Ventura Pet Detective. But they are oblivious to the absolute laugh riot that a badly burned Jim Carrey could induce when he uttered the fateful words:
“Let me tell ya somethin’ kids.”

Wait a minute. I guess my existence isn’t as drab as I thought. And I’m not the one who really adds all the color.

My family does.

...Stay tuned next month for more fame & misfortune of F.J. Gouldner’s, ‘The Fanboy Chronicles: Encounters and Near Encounters with the Famous and Almost Famous...

To Contact Him Please E-mail Us Here..

the F.J. Chronicles - F.J. Gouldner---May Edition - Volume 2 - Issue 11

In 1957 my father somehow managed to get on the Howdy Doody Show. He was all of about 8 or 9 and absolutely determined to meet his hero. No not the dumb, freckle-faced marionette, but his human sidekick Buffalo Bob Smith. My father just loved Buffalo Bob. With his longsleeve cowboy shirts, slicked back hair, and smooth delivery Bob gave the impression that he was exactly where he belonged. The reason my dear old Dad loved him so much wasn’t really for any of those trivial things. Buffalo Bob Smith was supercool simply because he was on T.V. and he had fans. All sorts of ‘em. My father wanted to have a few fans of his own. At such a tender age he already knew he was destined to be famous.

During the taping my father sat quietly in the Peanut Gallery with the 39 other kids for the first 10 minutes or so. Then he began his quest for fame & fortune. He began to shout: “Howdy Doody is stupid, Buffalo Bob is the greatest!” He did this repeatedly at sufficiently ear splitting volume that some of the other children became frightened and started to cry. Dad was corralled by several pages in western dress and summarily escorted out of the Peanut Gallery and sent home for his impromptu disruption. He kicked and screamed all the way out of the studio followed not too closely by my horrified Grandmother. Family legend states that on his way out of the studio my father looked over in the direction of the ever composed, supercool Buffalo Bob and the host winked at him. This gesture made my poor 8 year old Dad thrash all the more.

Some 20 odd years later yours truly expressed an interest to appear on Wonderama. My favorite program of the day. I desperately wanted to stand next to the supercool host Bob McAllister and do “snake cans”.

I was positive that I would not be the kid to choose one of the nine duds, with spring loaded snakes popping out. No, I would be the kid that got the artificial bouquet of flowers. I would win a bike on national television for God’s sake!

My mother looked down at me when I came up with this idea and said:
“No way mister. Your Dad flipped out on Howdy Doody when he was little, and you’re crazier than he ever was! Nope, nuh uh, not gonna chance that kind of public embarrassment.”

Now, years later, I see where you were coming from Ma. I don’t know what I would have done if a snake popped out of my can. There would have definitely been some kind of hell to pay for Mr. McAllister. All the same it would have been nice to be on a soundstage if not actually on T.V.

...Stay tuned next month for more fame & misfortune of F.J. Gouldner’s, ‘The Fanboy Chronicles: Encounters and Near Encounters with the Famous and Almost Famous... ---

To Contact Him Please E-mail Us Here..